Getting up

He sat on the couch before he realized his mistake. The remote sat in front of the television. He had forgotten to get it.

He sat there for some time before his friend entered the room. “Decided not to watch anything?”

“I forgot the remote.”

His friend looked at him, then at the television. “It’s… right there.”

“Can you get it for me?”

Walking over there, his friend picked it up. “And you couldn’t have done it… because?”

“Too hot.”

The other rolled his eyes. “You see, this is why your wife kicked you out, dumbass.” However, his friend wasn’t his wife, so he handed his friend the remote and moved on with his life.

Only so many excuses one can take

“Did you hear me? You heard me.”

He lay on the couch. “I think we’ve done this before.”

“And we’ll continue to have this until the trash goes out.”

“Can I boycott summer?”

She rolled her eyes. “Look, if you don’t want to do the trash, I’ll do the trash. But if this is going to work, you’ll have to take up the slack somewhere and you can’t use the heat every summer as an excuse.”

“What can I use as an excuse?”

That was the wrong answer, he found, as he had to call a friend to stay the night at when she had kicked him out into the heat.

As long as it gets done

“Could you get the garbage?”

He barely turned his head to look at her, a limp mess on the couch. “Can’t. Too hot.”

She looked at him, then outside. “It’s not that bad.”

“I’m melting.”

“Turn on the air conditioning then. And get the garbage.”

He groaned and slipped further and further off the couch and onto the ground. “If we had hard floors, they would be cold.”

“I suppose if you want to vacuum the carpet first, that can go out with the garbage.”

He did eventually get the trash. About midnight, when the world had cooled off a little.