“How do you like this one?”
Crowley glanced over. “Looks nice,” he said.
“How do you like this one?”
Crowley glanced over. “Looks nice,” he said.
Now once again we are falling far
Though you remind me of the past incentive
Again we would say, we would stay, once on par
We are repetition, oh repetitive, repetitive
We have done this so many times
And we will continue for so many more
To precipitate under these starry climes
While on the ground agree in this gore
Again you return to your house to pray
Leaving me here, not bothered, heart skip
Trying to ignore, but then you say
You love me, and as I hear so I trip
So far away is the rose in your eye
I fall still, goodbye ground, farewell sky
“Some people believe if you give someone you love a handmade teddy bear named after yourself, then that person will always return your love.”
The boy looked at his teddy bear. Well worn, well loved. He looked back over at his aunt. “What if the person stops loving you anyway?”
His aunt looked at the teddy bear. No dust, not like anything else in the house. “Do you still love him?”
The boy nodded.
“Always return the love.”
That was no answer as the boy wanted it, but it hadn’t changed the truth. He still loved his mother, despite her no longer loving him.
Arte smacked Monde with the umbrella once, twice, only stopping when Monde spluttered out a surrender. However, Arte immediately smacked her again when Monde giggled, “You have to admit, you’re cute when you trip.”
If her face hadn’t turned red, Arte might have been able to play it off as nothing. “What if I fell on my face?” she demanded.
Monde shrugged, dropping her arm around Arte’s shoulders as if nothing was wrong. “You wouldn’t fall, I wouldn’t let you.”
“How are you so smooth?” Arte demanded, nearly throwing her arms up in the air. This time Arte caught the umbrella before Arte accidentally whacked either of them with it.
“Because I’m super cool with my super cool girlfriend.”
Arte didn’t believe it, but she was beginning to think that Monde believed it. And that was almost more important.
He held his hand, trying not to crush it. Never before had the other man felt so brittle. Never before had he felt so strong. He hated it. It was all in comparison.
He tried to at least smile, because that was what the man beneath him was doing. As he looked down, he realized how ageless his friend looked. They were the same age, yet for some reason the other didn’t look young, didn’t look old. He just looked.
He would have kissed him, but then he wouldn’t be able to talk. More than anything, he needed to hear his friend talk.
A rasping breath. A smile. “Just… keeping doing it. Without me. Okay?”
He agreed, because he’d never been able to deny his love anything.
Every day, I awaken in my bed and
I await a time I can throw away this life and
I can be with you
I start to sing as they wish of me
And imagine a moment where I’m not the problem of me
And when you laugh I pretend I am
Not as heavy-hearted and I can give everything I am
Not when I’m with you
Not when I see how much pain there’s in all
What good am I when not enough is all
What I give to you
What is this sound?
Sound that I can’t hear
Hear what I’m saying
Saying words for you
You have given me more than I could ever ask of you
Please don’t lose a moment that I can spend with you
Please be you
Please remember that despite being selfish, what I
Want is for you to be happy, so be happy and ignore that I
What is this word?
Word I shouldn’t give
Give you the best part of I
I can give to you
She loved a good sunset. Sunrises were good too, so she heard, but they took place at a time she had devoted to other interests. Like sleeping.
“If you went to sleep earlier, you wouldn’t be sleeping through the sunrise,” her boyfriend said.
“If I went to sleep earlier, we would miss the sunset.” She placed her head against his shoulder, since them sitting there worked like that.
He put an arm around her. “We could do this in the morning too.”
“Could we do both?”
He frowned, staring at the colours fading into darkness. “You’d have to go to bed, like, right after this.”
“Or when we’re older we can move to a place where the sunrise and sunset don’t happen that far away from each other.”
For a moment, he didn’t seem to understand that. Then he thought it through again. “Do you want really long days or really long nights?”
She shrugged. “As long as there’s a sunset, does it matter?”
To her it didn’t. And he just wanted her happy, so he thought through the logistics as her imagination followed the colours of the setting sun.
Monde had two ways to laugh.
The first was the loud one. Uproariously would be the adjective. It could be heard from the other room. Arte could hear when she was coming home with someone from work, because the door opening was usually prefaced by the bark of humour.
Arte would reach up to her current length of hair, thin and blonde, and hope she would be presentable to her girlfriend’s friends.
The second came usually at night. When it was just the two of them at home. Monde would have humoured her and watched the latest episode of the latest show Arte wanted to dive into. Monde would make a comment to make Arte indignant and defensive, explaining what they just wanted.
Then Monde would chuckle, quietly, and kiss her on the head, no matter how much hair Arte had.
Arte like that laugh more.
You would help him. Because it was your first reaction, because you had nothing else to do. Because he needed it. Especially when he asked for help, unaware of the shame he might need to feel in asking such a question. He knew he didn’t understand his situation. That was why he asked. Your first reaction was to offer the help and he accepted. Gratefully.
To go there with him. Because he couldn’t do it on his own, because you wanted to be the one there instead of anyone else. Because after that first moment you couldn’t turn back. Neither could he. When he started to help you, well, that was more than you thought might happen. You didn’t reject it though. That was why he did it. Your first reaction was to accept all of him and he gave it. Gratefully.
That the distance wouldn’t matter. Because you couldn’t stay, because he couldn’t go. Because sometimes life moves forward and leaves the people involved in it behind. He stood there along with your other friends, telling you how much they all would miss you. Everyone there made the same promise and he repeated their words. But you looked in his eyes and knew what the promise really was. The promise the both of you have that no one else shared.
He lit a candle and sat down, cross legged. How come it was that he knew the secrets of the beyond and still felt the need to absolve himself in this way. Maybe it was just the action of trying to talk to her. Talking it out to no one. She wasn’t listening. She was gone.
He cleared his throat, uncomfortably. “Been a while, hasn’t it?”
No response. Of course there was no response. He groaned, hands back through his hair.
“How am I supposed to be without you? I’ve had to be, the last several years. You’re dead, not here. I know that. I don’t like it, I’ve accepted it though, because what other choice did I have?”
He looked back at the candle. This was supposed to help. He had to keep going.
“If I say I’ve met someone, would you be okay with that?”
Damn, this sounded so stupid. He wanted to beat himself up, it was so stupid.
“Okay, that’s a lie. I’ve known him for a long time. You know him too. Yeah, I know. Him. Surprise, right? I thought I was the straightest guy ever. I guess not.” He sighed, putting his hands down behind him and leaning back. “I just… you know. Can I love him and still love you? The same, but different? Does this make any sense?”
It didn’t, not to him. He hung his head.
“Forgive me? Or… tell me it’s okay. To be with someone other than you.”
She did not answer him. She never would. But he knew what she might say here. She’d tell him he was being an idiot. She had always been more interested in his well being than he had.
He laughed. “Yeah, that’s me. Always the idiot.”
Leaning forward, first with his hands on his knees, he reached forward with his left hand and pinched out the flame with his fingers.