My phone is possessed

“I’m sorry sir, but I think my phone is possessed isn’t covered under the warranty.”

“Why not?”

“What are you using to call right now, sir?”

“My brother’s phone. Look, do you want to hear how possessed this is?”

“Sir-”

​YOUR SOUL HAS CONSUMED YOUR HEART AND I NEED IT

“Sir?”

“ISN’T THAT POSSESSED?”

“Sir, that sounds like the ghost in the finale episode of Gary’s House. I don’t think that’s a posses-”

“YOU JUST SAID GHOST!”

Life at retail

“I’d like to register a complaint.”

As a customer service representative, she was ready to handle this. “Yes, of course. What seems to be the trouble?”

The man pointed over at the closest wall in the store. “That girl refuses to sell me coffee.”
She made a mental note of the time. “I’m sorry to hear that sir. It is nine thirty and our coffee kiosk closes at nine.”

“She’s still there. I need coffee. Where’s a manager?”

The barista was still there because she was cleaning. The rep remained calm, deciding not to point at her name tag which stated her name and the fact she was a manager. “I’m a manager, sir. I’m sorry, but after nine our barista cannot make anymore coffee. If you come back between-”

She saw the moment he was going to start repeating himself, even more loudly, the moment before he began to do it. From over his shoulder, she saw the barista looking back at her. The barista tilted her head to the side, tongue lolling out.

The rep tried not to laugh and focused on what should have been a rare complaint.