When you have better laid plans

Sometimes I think about what it would be like if I could possibly do something that didn’t rely so heavily on other people.

(No offense, other people, you can be great, but at the same time I’m a bit tired today.)

I have a mind that goes back and forth between blaming myself for something and recognizing that yes, actually it is my fault, because even though it is someone else’s fault I should have figured out a way around it. And as self deprecating as that might seem, it is true. If you want to get something done, sometimes you just have to work out around a person. It might require going through other people, but at least you are making progress. Searching for solutions.

This is what I feel like with myself, just in Writing.

Like parts of me are different people. If the Writer in me doesn’t show up today, well. What to do? Editor has to Write, I suppose. Or the Gamer gets to Write. I feel like I have Written about this before, but it doesn’t stop it from being just as important.

Now if only all these parts of me would get their act together. The Writer doesn’t like showing up. The Editor does a lot more work than everyone. The Gamer would, of course, rather be gaming at all times, just like the Reader wants to read. The Musician shares too many traits with the Outliner and the Editor.

I would like to say these are all one person. They are all me. And that is true. Even when it doesn’t feel like it. It’s not multiple personalities. It is multiple sections of my psyche though, in a way. The impulses of what one wants to do, which can be curbed one way or another.

Yet I want to be an Author, which requires the Writer to do their job. Or, failing that, that someone else does the Writer’s job. Like the Editor.

Time to be grateful that my Editor always shows up.

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